For the uninitiated – and lord knows I hope that’s a lot of you – following is a form guide on our two noble hotties.
Just who will win the hearts of the mindless?
FARMER DAVE
Actual name – David Graham
Appeal – hair has shine (sometimes lacks bounce); cries on cue.
Path to celebrity – appeared on Big Brother; revealed past gay-bashing, produced photo; proved not all gay men can dance, on TV; continues to refer to himself on personal website as ‘model’.
Good deeds – admits farm is suffering; Australia now aware of drought.
Key quote – “Today I would really love to hear where you are at in your journey to completeness.”
Reason to be fearful – looks like the Joker’s girlfriend; announces holiday to gay press; may return.
Public life expectancy – six months.
REAL GAY COWBOY
Actual name – Adam Sutton
Appeal – dim good looks of young Woody Harrelson; can ride upside-down on horse.
Path to celebrity – Met Heath Ledger; appeared on cover of broadsheet; revealed violent homophobia, expressed regret; led Mardi Gras parade with Rupert Everett; ‘co-wrote’ memoir; walking Great Wall of China with Olivia Newton John.
Good deeds – latched self to cancer, HIV charities; offered self as dinner date.
Key quote – “And I had a guy come and try to hit on me, and it took me back, but I thought, ‘I can't let this be right.’ And grabbed the poor guy's fingers and snapped them backwards.”
Reason to be fearful – seamless shift from hand-breaking to hand-waving; rides Heath wave; cowboy hat.
Public life expectancy – This could take a while...
So who do think will win the sash? (I hear the prize package includes lifelong anal bleaching!)
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