CSI: Paddington

I just had lunch with mum and dad. As usual, we ended up in hysterics. Allow me to share their story. But first, a little background:

My parents are in their late sixties and live in a lovely little terrace house in Paddington, about five minutes’ drive from my place. The neighbourhood is leafy and quiet, apart from the various pubs dotted around the area, one of which is directly across the road.

Anyway, two weeks ago, four armed, masked bandits (love that term) held up a pub in nearby Bondi Junction, stole a car and carried on with sundry nefarious activities. The following day, mum saw a strange black object lying on the ground next to the house. Intrigued, she picked it up and realised it was a ski mask. Not making the armed-robbery connection, she said to my father, “Why would anyone wear a ski mask in this weather?”

Instead of leaving it on the ground or taking it inside to throw in the garbage, like most people would, she placed it on a branch of the nearest tree. You know, just in case its former owner was feeling a bit chilly or had a sentimental attachment to it. With my mother, you never know, but she’s always thoughtful.

Well, the robbery connection finally clicked and mum spent a couple of hours worrying about what to do. She eventually buckled (having asked dad to retrieve the mask, which was still in the tree) and called the police.

An hour or so later, two dour officers arrived, at which point dad proudly held up the ski mask with both hands inside it, like an auctioneer, clearly not concerned about any possible DNA contamination. One officer put on rubber gloves and presented a plastic bag, into which dad placed the mask. Questions were asked, including the exact location of where mum first spotted the now crucial piece of evidence (she left out the leaving-it-in-the-tree bit) and many notes were taken. My parents, of course, found this all very amusing; the officers didn’t.

When all the procedural matters were finalised, one officer looked solemnly at dad and said, “You know, there’s no reward for this.”

Dad’s response: “A bit extra on the pension would be fine.”

I don’t see my parents often enough.