I cannot bear to watch Sunrise. After a few minutes, Melissa Doyle’s inane, grinning bobble-head and David Koch’s laboured controversial asides have me scrambling for the remote. That the latter is always referred to as ‘Kochie’ and their studio is dubbed ‘Brekky Central’ just makes me want to regurgitate my Weet Bix.
An interesting facet of the two programs’ duel to the death is their matching Hollywood gossip reporters. Sunrise has Nelson Aspen, Today has Richard Reid. Both are American. Both are suspiciously tanned. Both have the ‘Hollywood’ sign projected behind them. And both are unquestionably homosexual.
I’m not entirely sure who came first (I think it might have been Nelson), but neither ever seem to have any new gossip at all – I strongly suspect they just go to Perez Hilton’s site and jot down a few notes.
It’s the three-minute gay minstrel show – with a sprinkle of celebrity glitter – that seems to be the sole purpose, an inoffensive diversion with a hint of morning-friendly nudge-nudge, etc. Richard Reid is often making references to “West Hollywood laneways” and the like, which draws a bemused laugh out of the hosts, but it never goes any further than that.
As for Nelson, I couldn’t really say. I only see him by accident on occasion while channel surfing during ad breaks, but I’m pretty sure he winks his way through his segment, so to speak.
It does make me wonder what would happen if these two bumped into each other at a bar or a B-grade celebrity function.
I can picture them slowly approaching each other, curling a lip and then unleashing a big fake smile, baring their enormous, blinding white teeth until one of them backed down or developed lockjaw.
It would make quite the documentary footage.
Here’s Richard, with Nelson below (no screen shot – like I said, I just can’t sit through it).
5 comments:
Richard Reid always strikes me as being gay on speed.
well at least he's not as orange as he used to be...
I had to sit through a dinner opposite David Koch once and he was an antagonistic bigoted prick who spent most of the time trying to bait me into getting angry. It wasn't exactly endearing.
reading back...hold on - was someone planning to question their Homosexuality? What would their answer be if questioned? Does homosexuality deserve a capital H?
Richard and Nelson both creep me out to no end and make me blush with embarrassment to be an American. And what's up with this Australian obsession with Hollywood celebrities? I was hoping to get away from all that when I moved here from the U.S. three years ago. Instead, it's in my face even more.
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